Everyone knows that to apologise is a good thing - it’s just that most of us cannot bring ourselves to do it. "Sorry" is still the hardest and, therefore, rarest word in the world. Most seem to adopt the philosophy of Jackie Fisher, the First World War Admiral, who said, "Never apologise, never explain".

There are many reasons why people do not or will not say sorry. Some refuse to accept that they could ever possibly be wrong, and so do not ever see the need for it. Others regard apologising as a sign of weakness. Still others reason, "She never says sorry when she’s wrong so why should I?"

Even when people do manage to say "sorry", they often do not mean it. There are various forms of false apology.

The quiet sorry is a speciality of children. They can shout and scream all day, but when it comes to saying sorry, they suddenly seem to lose the power in their voices. Sorry is often the quietest word in adults’ vocabulary too.

The "I’m sorry. OK?" apology, uses the angry "OK?" to cleverly cancel out the first bit.

The sing-song sorry is usually delivered in a sing-song voice and often with a smirk on the face. It hurts more than it heals.

The trivial sorry is used for repeated and various trivial offences. However, it never seems to extend to major errors.

The blame-another sorry, tries to transfer the blame to the person being apologised to. For example, "I’m sorry you are upset" (but not for the substance of anything I did or said), suggests that the other person is somehow at fault for allowing themselves to get upset by what you have done.

The but sorry. "I’m sorry I got angry with you but..." What follows that "but" usually negates the apology.

The general apology seems to be all-encompassing, but it studiously avoids the necessity of identifying a specific act that was particularly hurtful or insulting.

The selfish sorry is said, not to apologise, but to get us off the hook.

The pre-prepared "sorry". Again, children specialise in this. A millisecond after they hit their brother or sister, they say sorry and think that makes it OK.

Honest apology

A simple apology, honestly expressed, can solve many of life’s problems. But this does not make it any less awkward to say. It is very hard for the human heart to feel and be sorry. And if this is true on a man-to-man level, how much more on the man-to-God level, where our offences are far more numerous and serious. It is in this relationship that we can be at our most stubborn or deceitful with our "sorry". However, the Bible teaches us that, "He that covereth his sins shall not prosper, but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy" (Prov.28:13).

It may be satisfying in the heat of the moment to scream, "I’m never going to say sorry, never, ever!", but people who never apologise end up lonely both here and in the hereafter, both in time and in eternity.